Anxious?

People keep on asking me how I feel or if I'm ready to go. I don't mind, but the truth of the matter is, I don't really know how I feel. I suppose I am excited and terrified, happy and sad, hungry and food coma. The fact is, I am just about every emotion right now. What that means is, that I am just chilling being Sam right now, keeping my emotions in a grab bag that is sealed shut. It's only sealed because I don't know which one to let out. As for the matter of if I am ready or not, I don't think I could ever be fully prepared. I'm just trying my best, and that's all that God wants of me (or of anyone for that matter), to try my best. So, that is what I am going to do. My mother shared with me some of her wisdom, and that is her philosophy of "I am here until I am gone." Which I think is pretty self explanatory, but just in case it doesn't make sense, she told me

"When you move frequently from place to place or you're leaving a place you love and going some place else or from one situation to another, it is easy to get distracted, confused, overwhelmed, upset, depressed, and it's hard to focus when you split your mind between places. So, I organize myself to get ready for the change, but my mind and focus stays here until I'm gone. And that way I can think clearly and enjoy the people and surroundings while I can, and I can stay happy and positive. So, to put it simply, I say to myself, I am here until I'm gone. It doesn't mean the procrastination of preparations for the change, but instead allows me to say emotionally connected to my surroundings. And that brings me peace. Then when I get to the new place I can enjoy the new phase of life. The new environment, the people, weather, routines, food and culture, the simple things of life. The key to happiness is to enjoy what you have while you have it, instead of worrying about losing or wishing you had something else. I am here until I am gone." So, in the mean time, I'm just going to be regular old Sam Chiba. When I go, I will be Elder Chiba. But don't fear, because even though you can't see it, Sam is there too, he's just behind the black tag, and will be home soon enough.